i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Randomize
