you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
