got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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