There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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