found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
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We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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