Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
