he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
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