Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
