i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
