Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
