I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
