Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
