I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
