Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
