my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
