If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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