he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
