she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
