Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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