i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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