Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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