Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
