I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
