what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
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He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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