Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
