shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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