i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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