You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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