did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
