I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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