i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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