You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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