I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
So much Jack, so little girl.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
