Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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