He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
