Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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