I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
