I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
