so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
