I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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