please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
