He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
