So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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