I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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