I want to make a zoo with you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
