oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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