Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
