I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
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