I looked at my own cervix.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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