It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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