What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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