she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Randomize
