I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
