He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
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Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
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Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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