I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
