Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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