i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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