I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
