The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
