she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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