You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
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