i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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