I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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