Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
