I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
