Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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