Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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